went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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