He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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