At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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