hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
