I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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