what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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