I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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