Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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