don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
