I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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