We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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