hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
