So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
