I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
