Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
