He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
