you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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