Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
