i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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