imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
