Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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