if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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