I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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