my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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