so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
