Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
