a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
