i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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