Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think my moral compass just broke
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
