Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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