you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
