so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
