it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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