I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
