there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
