So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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