As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
