if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
