Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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