this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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