If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
