i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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