it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
