I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
