There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
