I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
