Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
