He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
