I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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