True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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