Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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