I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
