Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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