Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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