I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
