You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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