if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's blow job season.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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