I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i believe in u and ur pee
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
