I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
