Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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