i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
