you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Everclear isn't food dammit
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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