I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Who died my cat blue again?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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