so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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