my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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