I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
