it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
