Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
