I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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