it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
