remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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