Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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