she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
