I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
