grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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