Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am naked and annoyed.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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