He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
