My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
