is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
