Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
