i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i now understand why vodka
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
