He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
