at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
