we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
