you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
